Approval can bring quick relief, but it is unstable. Research discussed by the APA links externally based self-worth with stress and difficulties. Broaden your own criteria: values, effort, skills and actions.
Return to your own criteria
Before deciding, note what you want, what fits your values and what the realistic risks are. Afterwards, consider whether you acted honestly and respectfully.
Practise with small choices
Try a safe decision without polling others: what to wear, how to spend an hour or what to read. The aim is to make room for uncertainty and gain your own experience.
One thing to try today
- Delay asking for approval for ten minutes
- Name three qualities unrelated to looks or achievements
- Reduce social media comparison for a week
- Make one small choice without explaining it to everyone
Curious about your own patterns?
Try the related reflection quizSources & further reading
APA: externally based self-esteemAPA: social comparisonThis material is educational and does not replace individual professional advice. Named sources are references, not a claim that their authors reviewed or endorsed this website.
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